Nobody’s Victim

no victim

What are you the victim of? The idea of being a victim registers differently for different people. Some have experienced circumstances that reflect the conventional connotation of that word. Others are defiantly adamant that this is not, or will not be part of their experience (again, relating to the conventional context of the word).  However, there are levels of victimization that we unwittingly, yet nonetheless, allow ourselves to be, uh, victimized by without even realizing this is the case. Do you allow yourself to be the victim of financial constriction through the unconscious doubt this picture will ever change? Do you allow yourself to be the victim of your past? Do you allow yourself to be the victim of cynicism, fear, self-doubt, negative thinking, inertia … and the list goes on. The dictionary defines victim as, ”a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action,” aren’t you “harmed” in some way by financial constriction? Doesn’t cynicism and negative thinking “kill” a bit of your spirit? I pose the question again, “What are you the victim of?” We have all heard the admonition that the victim should not be blamed for the … Continue reading

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Shifting the Paradigm of Your Experience

ParadigmCartoon

A paradigm, as defined in the dictionary, “is a distinct concept or thought pattern,” so it is no wonder efforts to effect change in one’s life can often amount to “moving the deck chairs around on the Titanic.” In other words, change, however sincere, can only amount to temporary adjustment if it is within the same self-perception paradigm. I am often asked in hypnotherapy sessions that have shifted one’s paradigm, how to apply the empowered thought to the same challenges besetting one from the former paradigm. I knowingly smile when this question is posed because it assumes the new paradigm is academic and not pragmatic (as well as an unconscious attachment to one’s struggles). This assumption stems from past change efforts that were unknowingly engaged from the same static paradigm and therefore chronic limitations were, at best, temporarily abated. I then reassure the client they can begin to release the expectancy of the same challenges continuing because the shifted paradigm excludes the pattern of thought perceptions that sustained the chronic restriction of the former paradigm. This brings us to the means of shifting the paradigm of restriction. Reactions are wired rather than real. Let me repeat that, “reactions are wired … Continue reading

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Readiness vs. Potential

CHOICERorP

A client arrived at my office recently distraught over a two-month dating experience that fizzled in the midst of what the client thought were very promising possibilities. This client echoes the frustration of many regarding burgeoning relationships that stall or simply just end. This relationship pitfall – finding one’s self involved in a relationship that is simply not going anywhere –  often has an underlying reality determining the success or the demise of relationship fulfillment.   The reality that impacts the possibilities for a relationship is confusing potential with readiness. When I mentioned this invisible, yet significant factor determining relationship success, there was a stunned look on my client’s face as the realization of making relationship choices based on partner’s potential rather than readiness was indeed the source of the disappointingly quick dissolution of the relationship. An individual can have great potential for a fulfilling relationship – shared values, attraction and other relevant factors in place – yet not necessarily be ready for relationship. My entire therapy practice is based on individuals readying themselves to accommodate their potential. Again, we often unconsciously confuse potential with readiness in the objects of our affection. Not everyone with potential is ready. Far too often … Continue reading

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Self-Love Courage

Woman-hugging-self

We tend to feel or think we have to discipline ourselves to follow through on matters to exact a greater degree of progress with our aims and goals. Yet this very idea of discipline often creates resistance to follow through because the need for discipline usually emerges from feelings of guilt or judgment about a matter.  What is missing from this well-meaning intention (the act of discipline) is the context that can promote the resolve and commitment to follow through on matters of relevance. What is this context that promotes and encourages the resolve to follow through on things? It is Self-Love. If completing tasks, goals and aims is engendered by guilt, repercussion, and judgment what we find we are really in resistance to is not so much the task or intention itself but the toxic perceptions and feelings of guilt, fear and judgment now associated with the matter. It’s human nature to avoid unpleasantness.  The mind recoils from adverse dynamics and any guilt fear or sense of futility regarding a matter breeds a disdain for the matter. The first order of business to dissolve resistance (also known as procrastination) is to replace toxic feelings about a matter with resetting … Continue reading

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“My clients are my children.”

Children

“My clients are my children” – I often say this with all sincerity when I’m asked if I have  children. I don’t mean that in a parental way; but that I feel invested in my clients well-being like a parent would feel invested in the well-being of their child. Not responsible for it – but invested in it… yes, wholeheartedly.

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What’s in a name?

sebenaFicus

All the live plants in my office have names. This is Sebena. (Interesting story behind how this plant received this name.)

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Get Naked!

healthy african american woman covering her breasts

Think that when you remove your clothes to shower or bathe (or do other things) that you are naked? Uh, uh – think again. Most often you’re still “clothed” in the chronic thoughts, perceptions and attitudes that have been forged from your past and your conditioning. To become truly naked requires stripping yourself of the superimposed persona you identify as the “self” of you.  To be clear, it is not necessary to alter your personality per se, but the “persona” of limitation reflected in victimization, self-pity, woe and/ or struggle.  To strip yourself of the self-perception forged from conditions and experiences is to truly become naked; to reveal the raw potential that ALWAYS remains as the locus (essence) of your identity. Who are you before you don the inference from your financial situation or credit score? Who are you before you put on the defeat of relationship struggles? Who are you before you clothe yourself in the subconscious indictment of a health prognosis? Who are you before you look in the mirror at career setbacks?  The person you are sans these superimposed inferences is the “naked” you. The you that remains fraught with bountiful possibilities for changing the superimposed “clothing!” … Continue reading

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How to Take a Quantum Leap in Your Life

Man jump

To see yourself differently than your habitual perception infers can facilitate a quantum leap in the trajectory of your experience. Continue reading

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How Much is that Man in the Window?

melancholy and sad girl   at the window in the rain

Haven’t we all had experiences where something pleasant occurs in our experience relatively effortlessly yet much more desired occurrences seem to remain dutifully elusive? Continue reading

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Neutralize This and Soar!

Space shuttle

When one is unconsciously tethered to a historical perception of one’s self wrought from past challenge, so-called failures, patterns and habits, it is like an invisible quarantine imprisoning one’s present readiness. Continue reading

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