To Conflict or not to conflict, ah, that is the question!
I begin this communication with an analogy to make this treatise on conflict relatable rather than theoretical. Before some of the dear readers of the Conscious Flyer were born, there was a time in our general culture (God!… we’re only taking before the nineties!) where a bald man was considered an indictment on aging and loss of virility. And surly, times have changed.
Not only is the bald look for men considered sexy and a sign of virility it is mainstream culture nowadays. From actors to news anchors, to 20 year old’s and models, bald is not just in, we’ve acclimated to the zeitgeist of it. This phenomenon of mindset can be written off as merely the changing of times but more accurately it reflects an acclimation to the times.
And therein is my salient point for this missive: are you unconsciously acclimating to the heighten world current of ‘us versus them’? The vitriol witnessed in our politic, our shared culture of humanity which is distinguished by race but not define by it, is it seeping into our mass cult of personality?
I am fortunate as a therapist who counsels with every demographic you can imagine, to gain an intimate, whole of society vantage point of living. This whole perspective of our humanness I am garnered is due to the intimate nature of therapeutic support. Of late, I have witnessed an uptick of the distress of conflict in personal partnerships (couples, family members, business alliances, friendships, etc.) – or the sincere effort to mitigate or resist it.
And I seriously suppose that this is due to the current, “current of opposition” permeating the very ether of present society. We are increasingly living through a phase where everybody is against something. But few are for something. This against-something mentality is unconsciously promoting opposing factions within lovers and couples, between mothers and daughters, sisters and sisters, and even with ourselves. Though perhaps the conflict dynamic may have already been present in the aforementioned relationships, it is indeed heightened through the stress of a once in a lifetime (we hope) global oppression called a pandemic.
The self-critic in us is amplified, the doubter in us is sounding like the reverberating echo of a deep canyon shout bellowing, “you’re not enough!” Well, enough – already! Lately, I have found myself intoning quite frequently in my counsel that, “you can be in it, but not of it.” That pronouncement reflects sheer deference to your innate power to decide.
A decision is an unassumingly potent device. We make micro-decisions in every moment – consciously and unconsciously – and they each have the wherewithal to direct. A decision is a catalyst for a direction. Unfortunately, most of our decisions are so unconscious its no wonder we appear to be at the mercy of ‘outside forces’ determining our fate.
I cannot tell you how often I hear a client wistfully exclaiming they cannot afford to continue their hypnotherapy as supremely beneficial as it is for them. What is not realized is that “to not afford’ is a decision. Of course, the immediate reaction to that idea is, “I’m not deciding that – the facts and conditions are.” Unfortunately, what is not realized is, as stated, a decision initiates a direction, and indeed that unconscious decision informs the direction. The unconscious decision in the form of a lament directs you, your life and circumstance to go, or continue, in the direction of that unconscious decision promoting mitigating circumstances of lack.
Please pay close attention: This is not an argument for spending carelessly and running up credit card bills, under the guise of a ‘decision’ that, ‘I can afford’ and magically hoping your decision is an incantation of some sort – remember the premise of a decision: a decision has the means to direct.
This means deeply appreciating the import of that reality, “a decision has the power to direct,” indicates that the decision, ‘to afford’ directs you in ways, attitude-releases, actions, thoughts, and recognition of your worth and, therefore, the consequence is you generate more money to spend, not spend attempting to generate. The issue is that most people do not allow the decision to direct them, they kneejerk react to their decisions reflexively trying to figure out how to enact the decision.
Permit your, now conscious decisions, to direct you, not the other way around. This process is indeed an art rather than an incantation. You begin to develop an ability to listen to your decisions rather than dictating what you want it to do or mean. Again, listening and following your decision’s direction is an art. All decisions have an innate means of facilitating themselves – when allowed to.
As we absorb the news headlines and feeds, we make the unconscious decision to be not only in it, but of it, too. We subjectify current ‘opposition culture’ and find that decision directing us to participate, consume and propagate the rancor it is informed with.
Decide that you will hear the news and world affairs and respond rather than react. Respond with the decision to love rather than to hate (including towards yourself), to create abundance rather than fear lockdown, that you will support rather than tear down – and then begin apprehending the art of allowing those decision to direct you.
You will find your self being in it, but not of it and thereby being the change you desire to see. “To conflict or not to conflict, that is the question. Whether it be nobler to…” (I hope Shakespeare is in the public domain or I’m in trouble!)
